Emotional Expectations
One of the most common implications in questions I am asked is the desire for what I call "endedness." Endedness is a subconscious drive to do consciousness expansion work thinking you will one day feel better, or feel good all the time.
But a desire for endedness is a desire for numbness, and it happens because you don't actually understand yourself deeply enough.
There is no point where you stop feeling a spectrum of emotions and sensations. What does change is how you interact with and perceive them.
You will still experience the sensation of "bad" emotions, but these will no longer have the same labels and stories attached, no longer have the same psychological pain attached. You will have a deeper connection to your body, its signals, and the nuanced details of the sensations you experience.
Your consciousness loves sensation and stimulation. It is here to be stimulated and seeks out stimulation of all kinds.
Your consciousness loves sensation and stimulation. It is here to be stimulated and seeks out stimulation of all kinds.
As you gain a more tangible connection to sensation and a stronger control of more layers of your mind you will read your sensations like a user manual rather than fighting them.
You have a preference for what you want to feel because you're still getting lost in your energy rather than seeking to understand it.
And I don't mean understand it in terms of "why do I feel this?" But instead "why do I want to feel this? What part of me wants to feel this? What does this sensation feel like and where in my body is it located?"
Losing your guidance system
If you get lost in anxiety and want to get rid of it, you aren't seeing the depth of information this sensation holds for you. It is an energy sensation that IS you. You are the energy as it intersects with the body. It is interacting in a specific location and under certain conditions. What are those conditions? What's going on according to the stories in your mind? What happened outside of you? What wants to be born?
If you immediately look for a pill, you miss all of these answers and lessons.
If you look for a state of endedness in which you no longer feel bad, sad, frustrated or angry you're looking for a state in which you are lost. You will lose your guidance system.
Right now you use your guidance system improperly and unskillfuly. So you think the guidance system is of poor design and want to only use half of it.
This causes you to try to take shortcuts and seek to fix and hide from your sensations.
But what if you took a step back and said "by default my guidance system MUST be correct. It must be accurate. It must be me, the reader, who interprets it incorrectly."
So when these signals arise you can approach them in a new way. Not from the belief that feeling bad is wrong and undesirable, but because that feeling arises as a tool, a mechanism for guidance.
Separating Story from Emotion
We have many levels of mind and emotion.
At the base level, people operate in fear, lack, scarcity and in search of safety. So they process their emotions through this lens. These emotions at this level give feedback engineered to lead you toward the feeling of safety. Unless you loop in the emotions and don't learn that they're guiding you there.
The second level is emotional energy. Many women get stuck here looping in emotion, but men who have wounded feminine aspects can get stuck here as well. This requires you to step out of your emotion and process it in a sober fashion. Separating the story you tell from the sensation you are experiencing. Then intentionally telling a new story.
The action of doing this moves you into your rational mind, where you are meant to assess your inner reality as it compares to your outer reality. This factors in safety at the first level, emotion at the second, and compares desire to the feedback you get from your reality in relation to the identity you presently hold. This allows you to make adjustments and tell a new story. You find other stories you can tell.
Over Rationalization & Looping
At this level we often get stuck weighing "should it be this or should it be that?" This over rationalization is because you are searching for your identity which also exists at this level.
These levels all interact based on programs that have been installed. From trauma, prenatal experience, childhood, social conditioning, etc. These distortions generate a certain type of output that colors them with a level of incongruity.
So the emotion doesn't make sense, you over rationalize, and you loop.
That's because there's a higher level. This higher level is connected to a higher intelligence than your identity and rationale, but it doesn't speak in words or emotions. It speaks in sensitivity and adjustments to identity.
The heart allows you to take the first three levels and gives an ideal benchmark while also opening you up to other possible perspectives and identities. You subconsciously are aware of this benchmark, but consciously there's layers of mud and cloudiness over it.
This mud is your programming. So the signals the heart sends about the lower levels of the mind get compared at the wrong levels. The reference appears off and the identity too rigid.
So as we learn the lessons presented subtly through our emotions and rationalization, we clear some of this distortion and our reference becomes cleaner.
This doesn't mean you stop feeling emotions, stop having rational processes and consideration, then follow only your intuition. What it does mean is the intuition is more consistent and you don't fight the signals that exist at the lower levels of the mind.
The Process of Building a Personal Vocabulary of Sensation
Let's say it's a regular day and you feel safe.
You then have an experience that triggers an emotional sensation.
You recognize that the sensation is teaching you something.
You feel the quality of the sensation in your body.
You then look at your outer experience, what happened to trigger the sensation.
You then build a vocabulary of sensation and experience as a symbol, or energetic package so you better understand the feedback you're receiving.
You take ownership of the entire package without needing the outside event to change.
You recognize that the signal was feedback about your filter, not feedback about the event itself. Meaning your lens gave you the reaction, the reaction/event didn't give you the lens.
You then have an experience that triggers an emotional sensation.
You recognize that the sensation is teaching you something.
You feel the quality of the sensation in your body.
You then look at your outer experience, what happened to trigger the sensation.
You then build a vocabulary of sensation and experience as a symbol, or energetic package so you better understand the feedback you're receiving.
You take ownership of the entire package without needing the outside event to change.
You recognize that the signal was feedback about your filter, not feedback about the event itself. Meaning your lens gave you the reaction, the reaction/event didn't give you the lens.
You learn something about yourself and your identity and are introduced to other possibilities of identity.
Ok, so you wanted something to happen one way but it happened a different way. You take personal responsibility for the way it happened because you recognize that it happens through you and as you, never to you.
You know that desire is the benchmark, but desire isn't the filter that creates it. Your desire is what you compare the result to, but not the reason for the result.
Ok, so you wanted something to happen one way but it happened a different way. You take personal responsibility for the way it happened because you recognize that it happens through you and as you, never to you.
You know that desire is the benchmark, but desire isn't the filter that creates it. Your desire is what you compare the result to, but not the reason for the result.
So for the time being you let go of the desire, because anger at yourself for not having the desired result is being a victim and fighting yourself.
Instead you ask yourself what different story you could tell about the scenario that could lead you toward the desire in the future.
You use your rational mind to shift your identity and point of perception so that you see the emotional sensation and outward experience from a different context.
Instead you ask yourself what different story you could tell about the scenario that could lead you toward the desire in the future.
You use your rational mind to shift your identity and point of perception so that you see the emotional sensation and outward experience from a different context.
You never stop feeling sensations
The sensations you feel become more nuanced, they speak to deeper lessons, and you begin to enjoy the process of them. The learning becomes fun because you're no longer operating single mindedly. You start following the currents of energy instead of being bashed over the head by them.
There is no endedness where you're done feeling bad emotions. You stop feeling them as bad simply because your preconceived labels for them dissolve. You feel them more deeply and actively so you don't feel like an innocent bystander taking a beating by them. You gain control of yourself so you stop looping and getting lost in them. And you learn the lessons they guide you through so they stop resurfacing in the same way repeatedly.
As you do this your resolution improves. You notice there are dozens of types of anxiety that occur in different types of situations. You'll feel the difference in the energetic quality of the anxiety in each situation as it relates to your perception of your moment. This then allows you to interact with your reality like a painter who chooses color and tone, adjusting your beliefs about yourself and reality based on your emotional feedback.
You don't force or choose your emotions, you read them and feel them, whenever they show up and in whatever form they take. They are all welcome because all lessons are welcome.